Home Again
by MelancholyInsanity2397
Summary: "I'm leaving Light. I found a place a few miles away from here for rent. I just need to go, I can't do this anymore." My mind reeled. Do what? Have I done something wrong? My heart sped up a bit thinking of anything I could have possibly done. My eyes burned a little. My eyes burned… I stared straight, afraid to see him leave.


Dislcaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XIII or any of the characters.

Hope was right. This was a bad idea. My hands grip the steering wheel so hard they must be white under the mittens I am wearing. The snow piles up around the roads that can hardly be seen. We had all gotten together, and I had decided to leave early considering that I lived the farthest away. Driving was my least favorite thing to do anyhow, made even worse by Pulse's awful weather.

I imagined what the house would look like when I made it home. It will be cold, the fire long burned out. The cat trying to find the warmest part of the house. She would be ready for some heat and company by the time I got home. I smiled slightly. Me, Lightning, having a cat. Ridiculous. Serah had insisted it was too lonely in home, especially after Hope moved away unexpectedly. That had been a sad day…

"Hope, you here?" I called into the dark house. He hadn't told me about any plans for the day, and I assumed he'd be home waiting up for me like always. I heard his familiar tread coming down the hallway. He carried a few bags and a suitcase. His face was solemn and his eyes stared at the ground.

"What's wrong Hope?" I asked. He looked up a bit, but still didn't look at me. His eyes shifted wearily around the room and his grip tightened on the handle of his suitcase.

"I'm leaving Light. I found a place a few miles away from here for rent. I just need to go, I can't do this anymore. "My mind reeled. Do what? Have I done something wrong? My heart sped up a bit thinking of anything I could have possibly done. My eyes burned a little. My eyes burned… I fisted my hand and made the nails dig deep into my palm. The pain rushed through and I felt the burning leave. I blinked my eyes shut and looked back up at him. No longer a child, but a grown man. His height well exceeded mine. He had grown well into his frame. Skinny as a board, but muscular as an ox. His hair now reached just above his shoulders and a 5oclock shadow could be seen around his jaw line. He still hadn't looked at me and was headed towards the door. I stared straight, afraid to see him leave. Afraid to see him walk out on me. Afraid to be alone. Afraid to show him how much he meant to me, and how scared I was that he was leaving me. That fear churned deep in my stomach and made me sick. I heard the door open and shut behind me. I had no words. I had no voice. My heart seemed to stop and the sick feeling came up. The vomit covered the tile floor and I felt no need to clean it up. I sunk to the floor and laid there. My eyes burned again, but I refused the tears to leave. I dug my nails even deeper until I felt the rush of warm blood over my hands. The pain brought me back to the present and I proceeded to clean the vomit off of my floor. I shook my head. This wasn't me. I ran my bloody hands through my hair and felt it stick to my hands. The feeling made me feel sick again. I walked to the bathroom and started the shower. After I had cleaned up everything I went to bed. The lights hurt my eyes and the blanket was too cold for sleep. My body felt numb. My feelings buried so deep I felt nothing at all. I stared at my ceiling until sleep finally came and took me.

That had been well over two months ago. Hope had apologized for leaving so abruptly. I had just nodded and said it was no big deal. It was a big deal… He hardly visited and our friendship moved backwards. Now at 21 he was grown up and starting his career. He loved the technical aspects of the new life of Pulse. How he standed it I had no idea. I shook my head at the thought. That stuff drives me crazy.

I walked into my house, dropped the keys into the bowl and moved to the kitchen. It was still early and something to drink sounded nice. Sleep was still eluding me. Home never felt right anymore. Hope seemed to be happy, enjoying his new found freedom. I sighed. What had I done wrong? What made him want to leave so bad?

Hope's POV

I still remember that night. I don't know how I did it. Lightning had been gone all day at work again. My feelings had been up and down. It had been seven years and nothing was going to happen. Ever. I had decided to just stop trying. She would never love me. Even if she did, she would never show it. Never accept it. I sighed. I had to get out. Clear my head, figure out what to do. How to stop thinking of her. How to stop caring. How to stop loving her so much it hurt every time I saw her. I got off my bed and started throwing my stuff into bags and suitcases. I had to leave.

"Hope, you here?" I heard her call out. What was I going to say? What was I going to do? Time was up, and I had to go. I grabbed everything I needed and headed out to meet her. She stood in the foyer me, in the hallway.

"What's wrong Hope?" How could I look at her? What could I say? I kept my eyes to the ground, knowing the moment I looked at her all my thoughts would go blank and I would back out. My eyes stung with tears waiting to pour out. I was leaving. I had nowhere to go, but she didn't need to know that. I looked up for just a second. My heart stopped. God, was she beautiful. Her eyes were downcast and it looked like she had had a rough time at work. Bags where under her eyes and she seemed tired. She had aged well, though still not old. At 28 she looked like 24. Her hair was longer now and reached her stomach on her one shoulder. The pink had stayed, but the tips where a lighter pink, almost white. Her gunblade was strapped behind her and her outfit had changed a bit over the years. Still military, the skirt had gotten a little longer and black now. Her shirt was white and her usual accessories still adorned her. Her shoulder pad had become a red now too instead since she was promoted. The cape was still there. I loved it on days where she was off and would wear casual clothes around all day. She always looked much happier out of her uniform. I couldn't blame her; those things were uncomfortable as a cactus. But now, she looked anything but happy. For a few seconds I could see several emotions cross her face. Confusion and sadness. Those stayed for just a split second until she regained her composure and put back her stoic face. This is when I looked away. When I realized she would never deal with those feelings she was feeling not seconds before. She would bury them so deep till they could never be found. They will rot within her. A sorrow crept inside me. How could someone live with no feelings? Then I realized it, she wasn't not feeling. She felt plenty. She was afraid of feelings those things. My eyes stung again. Why wouldn't she let me in? I had to go, before I changed my mind. I started walking out the door. I stopped and looked behind me. She was staring straight ahead. I turned back and opened the door, walked through and shut it. I didn't even make it to the car before the tears started to roll down my cheeks.

I sighed. Bad memories. I rolled onto my bed. This place wasn't home. It stunk and the room creaked like a horror movie. Why did I ever leave? I closed my eyes. I should go back. I should have never left. The days alone waiting for her to come home and see her. Waiting to see how her day was, how she would smile when she saw me. How her eyes seemed to almost light up. Was it all just my imagination? It couldn't have been. My mind reeled. I needed to go back. I've never been so miserable in my life. That includes traveling through an unknown planet fighting deadly creatures. This was emotional and mental depression. I got up, and packed my bags.

Lightning's POV

The door bell is ringing. Who the hell is that? At this hour? In this weather? I put my robe on and headed to the door. As I opened it I couldn't believe who and what I saw. Hope. My mind went blank. What was he doing here? At this hour? With all of his stuff?

"Hey Light." He said with a small smile. The wind was whipping and snow had covered his hair. I let him in.

"Hope, what are you doing here?" I asked skeptically. He came in and dusted the snow off of his hair.

"I…um, got kicked out." He stuttered. I look at him quizzically. He just nodded and repeated himself with more confidence.

"I was hoping you would let me stay here again, like before." I nodded at his request.

"Well of course, I mean you are always welcome." I replied. He smiled a bit and kind of smiled back.

"Thank you Light, I know I can always count of you." His smile got bigger and he walked down to his bedroom. I hoped he wouldn't look in mine. The cigarette cartons and empty liquor bottles wouldn't be a good sign. I watched him walk down the hall. Sure enough he looked in my room on the way down. The door was wide open and the light was on from when I got up to come answer the door at this ungodly hour. He stopped for a moment. Then it hit him.

"Hey Light, you doing okay?" he asked. I walked over to him, turned off my bedroom light and shut the door.

"Just fine." I replied. That was all he needed to know. Lord knows how much he hates cigarettes. I hadn't had one in years until he left. The craving came back so hard it hit me like a truck. I had gone to the nearest store and bought one pack, which just escalated into more and more each day. The liquor had just started about a week ago. I wasn't so used to it and that should be easy to drop.

He looked at me. I could see the pain in his face and it made me feel sick. He didn't need to feel that pity for me. I didn't need pity. I frowned at him and spoke.

"I'll stop again since you hate them so much." His eyes got wide before he nodded. I thought I heard him mumble something but let it go.

"You know where your room is, should be just as you left it." Was all I said before opening my door again. He nodded again and a slight smile formed.

"And Hope…it's good to have you back." I didn't wait for his reply before I went into my room and shut the door.

Hope's POV

Gosh the roads are awful tonight. I wonder if Lightning had had a hard time making it home earlier. She hated driving as it was, let alone with bad weather. I pulled into the oh so familiar driveway and for the first time in two months, felt home again. I grabbed my stuff and walked up the steps and rang the doorbell. When she finally answered I couldn't believe my eyes. She had just woken up apparently. The bags under her eyes were unmistakable. She had her robe on and slightly open up at the top to wear I could make out the top of her bra. My heart sped up and I had to refocus.

"Hey Light." I smiled at her. The wind howled and she stepped aside, she seemed a bit in a daze.

"Hope, what are you doing here?" she asks me. I dust the snow off my hair and thought about the question. What was I suppose to tell her? My mind went blank and I internally panicked. Then it came to me!

"I… um, got kicked out." I stuttered. She looked at me weird so I repeated myself for her.

"I was hoping you would let me stay here again, like before." I waited for her reply anxiously. She had every right to turn me down and say no. To say she didn't want me here. To say it wasn't her problem I didn't have anywhere to go. But let's be honest, she would never say that to me.

"Well of course, I mean you are always welcome." She says and relief floods through me. I smile at her.

"Thank you Light, I know I can always count on you." I smile wider at her and start towards my bedroom. On the way down I pass her bedroom and see the door wide open and the light on. I look in briefly and I am shocked. I stand there and stare blatantly into her room. The cigarettes cartons are lying on the ground and unopened ones are sitting in a pile on her desk. A few empty bottles of liquor are sitting around her trash can and I make out a paper bag with an unopened bottle in it. My stomach churned and I felt sadness and guilt well up inside me. I never thought she would go to this to drown out her feelings. This was my entire fault.

"Hey Light, you doing okay?" I ask her shakily. She walked over shuts the light off and closes the door.

"Just fine." Is her stoic reply. A brief wave of anger rushed over me before it is replaced by the guilt again. She won't even tell me she is hurting. Me, her best friend. I hurt her… I hurt her more than I thought I would. More than I know I ever could of.

"I'll stop again since you hate them so much." She tells me. Disbelief hits me. She would stop smoking just because I hate them. Not because of the health risks or the nastiness of them, but because I don't like them.

"I'm sorry…" I mumble to her, hoping she didn't hear me, but also hoping she did.

"You know where your room is, should be just as you left it." She tells me. I nod to her and smile slightly. She hasn't touched it. She opens up her door and walks inside.

"And Hope…it's good to have you back." She says before she shuts the door. I smile to myself and walk into my room. I sigh, I missed this place. I missed my home.


End file.
